Kamisha Richards (left), 22 years old, lent $20 to her lifelong friend, sister of her boyfriend, Kayla Henriques (right), 18, for diapers. Kamisha found out Kayla spent it on something else. She confronted Kayla on Facebook with an embarrassing statement. Kayla allegedly said, "Dnt try to expose me mama, but I'm not tha type to thug it out ova facebook ima c u wen u get frm wrk."
"I'm a have the last laugh," said Kamisha.
Kamisha had her last breath later that night.
She was pronounced dead at the Brookdale Hospital.
I think of how I could have had that task....
What happened?
After the Facebook feud, Kamisha went to Kayla's apt and confronted her in her kitchen. The argument ended with Kayla stabbing Kamisha in the chest with a steak knife. Kamisha was 22, with a degree in criminal justice, and worked as a security guard with plans for law school. Kayla is 18, she's a junior in high school, and is the mother of an 11 month old boy.
Controlling your anger can save your own life.
There are 3 ways of dealing with anger:
1. Expression
2. Suppression
3. Calming.
Expression of anger is healthy. The way in which you express it key. Declaring and defending your boundaries without hurting others is difficult. How can one do this? Don't start with the word "you," when expressing unhappiness with a person's behavior. Tell the person how you feel. In this case, Kamisha could have said, " I felt used when I heard that the money was used for something else." Tell that person what you need from them. "I need to know that you will pay me back as soon as you can."
Do not shame that person with hopes the embarrassment will make them come correct. It too often creates more anger. Instead of being shamed into doing right, the person can become defensive, and hurt you even more to deflect that shame, especially when you publicly shame them. This is what happened here. Kamisha's attempt at shame escalated the anger in both of them.
Regardless of what is said, remember: Respect for yourself and the other person must be maintained. Respect prevents threats.
Suppressing anger is when a person holds it inside, and tries to ignore it. This is a popular way to deal with anger. We try to direct that energy in a positive direction. That's not always effective. Energy that isn't released needs somewhere to go. It turns inward and does its damage there, causing conditions like depression, and high blood pressure.
Anger that is not expressed can come out in other destructive ways. It may show up as a nasty attitude, a poor outlook on life, endless criticism, and poor relationship skills. This may irritate others, but they can get away from you. You cannot escape your thoughts and views on your life. Your feelings determine how you experience life. This is why your negativity hurts you the most.
Kamisha could possibly still be here if she had tried CALMING.
Calming can be as simple as telling yourself to, "calm down, take it easy." Taking slow deep breaths with closed eyes, using your diaphragm not your chest and repeating those calming words lowers the heart rate and blood pressure.
After this exercise, think.
What do you want from this person? Do you care if you risk your friendship? How could this person hurt you? Is the money worth it? Is being right worth it? Lastly, ask yourself, "Why are you friends?"
Now speak.
Then listen.
Back to this tragedy. Kayla may have truly felt bad about having to use that money for something else, and intended to pay Kamisha back ASAP. If Kamisha had calmly asked questions, she could have found out this to be the case. Asking questions during an argument slows its pace, and brings focus back to the real issue.
These girls were lifelong friends. Kamisha, who seemed to have made better life decisions over a period of years, paid for a few hours of poor anger management with her life.
When people imagine anger management, they think of protecting others. Controlling your anger can save your life.
Be safe. Be successful.
Rapp, M.D.
Miss use of stuff.
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